so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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