'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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