When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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