We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
