Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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