If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
