Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
