Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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