if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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