For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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