The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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