i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
