The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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