having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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