Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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