What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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