Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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