I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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