i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Welp...herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
