Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
