There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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