She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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