When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize