i'm signing you up for texting rehab
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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