I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
