I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
