he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
