did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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