I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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