my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
