She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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