i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
