Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
