I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
