God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize