in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
