I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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