I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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