I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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