I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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