dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A+ Viking dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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