Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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