my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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