why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
