Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
