well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
