3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
