obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
