I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
