this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
