they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
