I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
