My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
