girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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