My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
