Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a hot homeless man
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
