Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Randomize
