My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize