so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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