you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
