i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Terrible idea I love it
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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