Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
