We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
