We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
