the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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