And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
