I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
