i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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